One of the most appreciated points of my last article was the one about expectations. And couldn’t I make a deepening about that?
So let’s start off: not everyone thinks and/or acts like you do. Which means, there will always be differences between how you and others behave in a specific situation. And this fact could let someone down. “You disappointed me, I thought you behaved differently…” Basically, what you're saying is: “In that situation, I expected you to do that thing and you let me down since you didn’t”.
HOW I WOULD BEHAVE = HOW YOU SHOULD BEHAVE
HOW I WOULD BEHAVE ≠ (sometimes) HOW YOU WOULD BEHAVE
Let's see what there is behind this mechanism:
1. The person who disappointed you had no idea how you wanted her/him to behave
2. Your vision and someone else’s is not always the same
3. What you think is right can be wrong for someone else
4. Everyone should feel free to act as they wish
→ In a situation a friend doesn’t behave like you wanted. What do you do? (answer honestly)
- You express your disappointment to your friend
- You keep your feelings for yourself and analyse the situation
- You try not to think about it and move on
- You listen to your friend’s reasons
- You block him on whatsapp, Instagram and fb (if you still use it)
Maybe you’re wondering why of this one-question quiz. There is neither a prize nor a right/wrong answer. But through this, you’ll understand how high your expectation level is.
You could think that it’s easier said than done. You are right. It’s tricky, but not impossible. What matters is to start!
Everything starts from you, as usual. You are working on yourself and not on other people. You are not changing the way others act, but how you react.
Now, think about a past moment when you let someone down. Why? In this way, you’ll remember how you felt, so that you avoid making others feel the same. When someone told you: “You let me down, I didn't expect you to do this” how did you feel? Unfairly blamed? Or that you didn’t do anything wrong? maybe you thought: “That was the way you wanted me to act, not the way I told I would!”
BE AWARE: not having high expectations doesn’t mean accepting anything! It means analysing the situation, avoiding making it a personal problem and then understanding how to act accordingly:
1. Is it that serious? Can you move on? If yes, next time a situation like that happens again, make sure not to feel bad and control how YOU respond to it. It’s just a different way of acting and thinking. It’s not the end of the world!
2. Is it that serious? Can you move on? If no, this means that the situation went against your values and beliefs. It doesn’t respect you, what you believe in and how you want to be treated. In this scenario as well, be the master of your actions. Accept the situation as it is, take your time to think and then act. If you decide to walk away, focus on the fact you are getting rid of negative energy in your life!
It’s impossible to control all the external things that happen to you, so focus on what happens inside you instead. Happiness will come faster than you imagine!
→ Don’t try to shape the others according to your vision: let them behave as they want, show their personality and their values. Moreover, everyone makes mistakes: expecting perfection all the time is not realistic! (And then, according to the situation, choose the option 1 or 2 we discussed above 😎)
It’s all for today! I hope this deepening was useful. Share it with some friends who need to read this and other articles. See you soon!